Tobiáš Myš – A personal story
My name is Tobiáš Myš and I am a homosexual pedophile. I am 19 and I've just graduated from high school.
I participated in Prague Pride 2014 Parade as a member of the Czech and Slovak Pedophile Community. I didn't do it because I am proud of my orientation. Quite the opposite – I've always thought pride is a defense against a person's insecurity. I participated in the parade because I think it is important to make society a more tolerant place, one where pedophiles don't automatically get classified as dangerous and disturbed criminals who hurt children. Unfortunately, this view is common in the media (including public service media) and it makes it difficult for many (mostly younger) pedophiles to discover and accept their own orientation. Not to mention coming out to someone else, which can be a nightmare. I consider my participation in the parade an opportunity to start an objective discussion on the topic of pedophilia, with the goal of disseminating better information.
I don't think my story of accepting that I like young boys is unusual. At the beginning of puberty I started to realize that my attention was directed towards boys rather than towards girls, including boys younger than me by a few years. The older I got, the greater the age difference between me and the boys I liked.
I joined a youth organization when I was 8 and gradually took on leadership responsibilities. Soon after, when I was 15, I met my first love. He was 11 years old, and I considered him only a "favorite kid". At that time I wasn't yet able to imagine that it was possible to fall in love with a young boy. I couldn't imagine that I might be a pedophile, that "bogeyman" who abuses children and appears in front-page news stories. I attributed the attraction I felt to confusion arising from fantasies and feelings that were part of pubertal self-exploration. I didn't admit to myself that I was a pedophile until I was 18.
After admitting my orientation to myself there was a period when I came out to people, a period no less difficult than the previous one. I found support from a friend and later I decided to tell my mum, the only family member I felt I could trust. Initially it was very complicated, and at one point our relationship was so full of tension that we limited our contacts to a bare minimum. Gradually our relationship returned to normal. However, it's still a topic we both try to avoid.
When I told the leader, I was kicked out of the organization after 11 years. I tried not to show how hurt I was.When I told the leader, I was kicked out of the organization after 11 years. I tried not to show how hurt I was.When I told the leader, I was kicked out of the organization after 11 years. I tried not to show how hurt I was.
Have I ever regretted that I am a pedophile and wanted to change myself? Yes, I have felt that way deeply and frequently, especially recently. Recently a best friend of mine expressed her feelings for me, a girl I deeply respect and who I really like. She already knew I couldn't return her love. She is still troubled by that and so I am because it's not a very good feeling to know that there's someone you want to spend time with, where you understand one another, but you know the full relationship is not possible from your side.
What do I wish for the future? To continue being devoted to children, to study education, to find a job working with children, to bring joy to my new loved one and to live my life so as to get the most out of each day.