Audio: Living with pedophilia

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Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od simgiran » sobota 13. 7. 2013, 17:14:33

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Re: Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od Kasz » sobota 13. 7. 2013, 17:19:57

Can you make some summarized text about that audio, what is about and what is mentioned there? I would be hard for some people to listen and understand audio in English language.
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haizi
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Re: Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od haizi » sobota 13. 7. 2013, 23:56:28

I was bored tonight, so I have written it down :D



Now, before we introduce the next report, let's get something straight about terminology.
In the popular press, the terms "child molester" and "pedophile" are often used interchangeably. That can be misleading.
A "child molester" is someone who has sexually interfered with a minor. They make the news when they crimes come to light.
A "pedophile", on the other hand, is someone who may or may not be a child molester. He, or less often, she, is someone who is sexually attracted to children, but may never have acted on this impulse.
Pedophiles can't change their sexual preference for children, but with help, they can avoid becoming molesters.
Diana spoke to a young man who is a pedophile, but says he has never molested a child. His voice has been slightly altered to protect his anonymity, and he'll be referred to under his chosen pseudonym throughout. Here's Diana's report from Berlin.

(CITY NOISE)
Berlin is a city where it's easy to blend into the crowd. Max Feeber (?), that's not his real name, is about 30, short, a bit stout and boyish-looking. He is a qualified engineer, but psychological problems related to his pedophilia have made it difficult for him to hold down a job. The problem for pedophiles is that they can never have consensual sexual relations with the partners that naturally feel attracted to - children.
"I think I realized this attraction to kids when I was around 14 or 15 years of age, but I didn't realize that's something not normal, I thought everyone feels this way but nobody talks about it."
Max's sexual awakening occurred during a beach holiday at the Baltic Sea.
"I played with some girls who were naked at the beach. They were 3 girls, 6-7 aged. I was 18-19. I was building sand castles and they were interested in those castles and I showed them how to build and we just played. I started to have some sexual fantasies. And I slowly realized that this is what is called pedophilia. And that's a moment when the fear started."
The stereotypic image of a pedophile as a dangerous sexual predator frightened Max.
"I had the same stereotypes in my head that being attracted to children is the same like hurting children. And that if I am attracted to children I must be some kind of monster, who, at one time, will molest children. I only knew newspapers say ‘That's a pedophile who killed a child!’ and thought about what chance do I have to live my life without hurting anyone. I didn't want to hurt children."
Max is a pedophile who has never committed a sex offence. Since most pedophiles are only ever identified once they have committed an offence, it is impossible to know how many other people there might be who share Max's sexual preference.
"To think that pedophiles are those old, creepy men, that is the most ridiculous thing. They are neighbors, they are teachers, they are fathers, they are friends... You could go to a punk rock concert and meet pedophiles with red and pink hair."
That was Lisa Maya, a psychology student who volunteers in a counseling center for victims of sexual abuse. Lisa is also one of Max's few friends who knows about his pedophilia. I asked her, how we, as a society, can protect children from pedophiles who are molesters.
"We can protect our children by giving pedophiles a chance to seek help, to give them a chance to go and see a therapist to talk about it and to learn how to cope with that sexual preference. It's really important that we don't stigmatise people for their sexuality. We have to see a difference between someone who is a pedophile and someone who is a child molester. And if we see that difference, we will make a big step."
This is a precisely what an initiative that started several years ago in Eastern Germany tries to do. The project called "Prevention Dunkelfeld" recognised that pedophilia is a sexual orientation that affects an estimated 1% of the adult male population in Germany and elsewhere. However, that doesn't mean that pedophiles are doomed to become sex offenders.
(TELEVISION AD IN GERMAN LANGUAGE)
In television ads such as this one, Prevention Dunkelfeld reaches out to pedophiles and gives them the therapeutic tools including pharmaceutical options to stop them from sexually abusing children in the first place. For Max, Prevention Dunkelfeld was a godsend. He also took medication that lowers the effect of the male hormone - testosterone. Here, he describes the benefits of the drug.
"You are in a swimming pool and you have a ball filled with air. Big ball. You have to put it underwater and nobody should see this ball. It has the sexual energy that was constantly in my mind and it was coming to the surface and it was a problem, I had to keep it down with all my power. And when there was this drug, it just released the air out of this ball."
Max isn't taking the medication anymore, though. One of the longterm negative side effects was depression. But years of psychotherapy has enabled him to come to terms with his sexuality and find fulfilment in friendships with adults. Something that had been previously difficult for him.
"I know that sexual energy is a very powerful force, but I think many people think of it as much more powerful if it comes to somebody with pedophilia. I have a feeling that many people think of it, when it comes to pedophilia, like a time bomb. There are many, many things I can do. I can have contact with children without doing anything sexual to them. I don't really feel such a big need to have sexual contact with children. It's still hard, but it's not ‘Wow, if I don't take this drug, I will definitely molest children’ or something."
(VOICES OF CHILDREN)
Max has little contact with children in his daily life anyway. I asked him what it's like if he sees a group of schoolchildren in public places.
"Sometimes I see children I don't know on the street or in train. It's such a feeling of emptiness and being lonely. Many pedophiles have the idea of really having some loving relationship for the sake of everything with some child. That's an idea I've never had. I dreamed of sexualised games with girls like playing doctor. I didn't want to grow up as a child and I think many children share this wish. My aim is to conserve what is good in the way a child sees the world, and be an adult and be responsible at the same time."
I asked Max's friend Lisa Maya to describe him in a nutshell.
"He's a young man, he's very intelligent, very interested in things in general and also, he does have a little boy inside of him, and I think that's like that with many pedophiles. There is this child still living inside of them."
Max says the worst part of being a pedophile is not the impossibility of sexual gratification. It's the feeling of living a lie. Of having to keep such a large part of your identity secret.
"This is the bigger burden than those feelings. Sometimes, it's a feeling of not being honest. Sometimes, it's a feeling that if I have contact with any child, it is unfair, because I don't tell parents ‘I'm a pedophile, just to let you know, but I won't do anything’. And many people wouldn't accept me as a human being anymore if I would tell them. It's much worse dealing with the secret and loneliness than dealing with the feelings of pedophilia itself."
Even Lisa has her qualms about her friend Max. She is single and childless, but I asked her a hypothetical question.
"If he would move next door to you and you had a 7 years old daughter, how would you feel about that?"
"As much as I trust him as a person, as a good person, and he is a good human being, I would want to be there if he spends time with my children. Because, you know, there's just still this danger going on and I don't always know his mental state and his inner strength, so yeah, only with my presence probably."
And that is the dilemma for pedophiles. Even if they are not sex offenders, they need to keep this big secret, because who they are is discomforting to others. And even friends who do know about their secret cannot completely trust them.
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Re: Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od Kasz » neděle 14. 7. 2013, 1:02:00

Thank you VERY MUCH, haizi, that you wrote down complete text of that audio!
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Re: Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od haizi » neděle 14. 7. 2013, 11:42:35

No problem :)
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Re: Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od tdnka » středa 2. 12. 2015, 0:19:09

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Re: Audio: Living with pedophilia

Nový příspěvek od cassybee » čtvrtek 31. 12. 2015, 18:16:46

I have had Paedophile desires for some time but have only come out to myself this year. I joined VIRPED and through the help of that forum I found that I am not an awful person I just have different desires. From there I joined this forum and have come to accept that I am a paedophile. I don't offend and have no intention of doing so. Living with being a paedophile is hard but with good control it is ok. The more we make contact the better we can support and hopefully one day the stigma for non offending pedos will go away
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